


Mistaken Identity

by octopodian



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Dissociation, Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Other, Screenplay/Script Format, Trans Character, incredibly self indulgent and written entirely based on my experiences with being trans!, kinda? as a warning, okay to record, sorry people looking for trans jon who find this.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-15 06:22:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18068231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/octopodian/pseuds/octopodian
Summary: Case #0190228 – ‘Mistaken Identity’Statement of Cas Fischer regarding the body they inhabit and memories they have which are not theirs.Recording by Jonathan Sims, the Archivist.Statement begins.





	Mistaken Identity

**Author's Note:**

> this is based almost 100% off of my own experiences with gender dysphoria and how i process my childhood with that. however, it isn't a universal account of Every Trans Story Ever! so take it all with a grain of salt. thank you!
> 
> also, no, my last name is not fischer. sorry for the people trying to doxx me

Statement of Cas Fischer regarding the body they inhabit and memories they have which are not theirs.

Recording by Jonathan Sims, the Archivist.

 

Statement begins.

 

“I’ve always wondered what it’s like to see yourself in a mirror. Y’know? To look in and see yourself looking back. It’s a common experience, I’m sure, but I’ve never had the honor.

I’m trying to remember everything, so I don’t leave anything out, but it’s weird to remember something that never happened to you. I mean, it did, but... not to me-me. Just to the body I’m in. The other me. To the person who was around before I was. Does that make sense? 

...It doesn’t. I know it doesn’t. Let me go back. This happened around puberty. One day, I was someone, and the next, I was someone else.

[Faint chuckle.]

It’s hard to tell when, you know, because my memories don’t cut out, or anything. I remember everything back to childhood, though most of it is extremely fuzzy. There's no sharp change, some special sign I can use to know. 

I just... I know, looking back, that the person whose body I currently inhabit was not me. We’re too different. She did things I would never do, was friends with people I would never have met. I may have her memories, and I may have her body, but I am definitely not her. I mean, look at me! I am not-!

[Breath.]

I’m not just crazy. I have depression, I guess, but it’s nothing that a high dose of SSRIs and hormone replacement therapy hasn’t been able to treat. I’ve been checked for depersonalization and everything, and there wasn’t enough for any diagnosis. I doubt that really makes a difference.

I don’t know exactly when I came in, I don’t know how or why, but I know it happened. She was living a normal, happy life. She probably would have had a husband and kids, if she was still around. I mean, I’ve had a few boyfriends, it’s not like I... but I can’t help but feel like I ruined it! She was perfectly happy, and if she’d stayed around, everyone would have been happier. But she didn’t.

Sorry. I know this doesn’t make sense, but there isn’t a better way of putting it.

I know I inhabit this body and therefore it must be mine. I know I have these memories, and therefore those must be mine to. It’s just a simple fact, and I can’t deny it no matter how hard I want to. But you have to understand, I don’t look in a mirror and see myself. I  _ never _ have.

I know how it sounds. Trust me, I know. There’s no evidence, nor could any ever be found. There’s absolutely nothing saying this isn’t just... my way of coping. I really hope it is. I’ve... pretty much accepted that no one is really ever going to ‘get’ it, but I figured that maybe if I told you guys, maybe someone else could see it and they would know they aren’t alone. 

For now, though, there’s nothing for me to do but keep on living, and hope that someday I’ll look in the mirror and see myself smiling back. Wouldn’t that be something?”

 

Statement ends.

 

It’s hard to tell how much of this is merely the work of a young mind trying to comprehend gender dysphoria, or an actual product of something supernatural. While this isn’t something... entirely outside of the realm of The Stranger or The Spiral, they were correct in their assertion that there is no evidence, and it is therefore impossible to prove or even investigate further.

We reached out to them for further comment, mostly as a formality, but Mr. Fischer (now Mr. Cohen, as they took their husband's name) didn’t have anything to add, though they said they’d be happy to answer any questions. 

If they truly experienced something paranormal, I think we should all just be happy that they got off easy.

 

End Recording.


End file.
